Critical Mick

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Reviews by the Clown that All Other Critics Want to Strangle with a Black Turtleneck

Writing at the Extremes

Susan DiPlacido, author of American Cool and 24/7, on New Jersey, Las Vegas, what that same personality would do in different situations, and boob jobs. An unruly email interview, February 2009.

Critical Mick: So! Jersey.

Susan DiPlacido: Not Jersey. JOISEY!

CM: Ever dated a mob guy?

SDP: Yes.

Critical Mick's review of Susan DiPlacido's American Cool   Critical Mick's review of Susan DiPlacido's 24/7

CM: Do you spend a lot of time in Vegas? SDP: Oh shit, yes. CM: American Cool! You're wearing a lot of make up on the cover. SDP: Mick, if that was me on the cover, I sure as hell wouldn’t be a writer. But I do wear that much makeup. I even had my eyeliner tattooed on. CM: Sex in Vegas hotel rooms. In the desert. On cruise ships. In cars. Wet tee shirt contests, shrieking lesbians, strip poker. Dedication: "For my mom and dad"-?!! SDP: Well, sooner or later I had to admit I wouldn’t be writing the great American novel, so I’d better give them props at some juncture regardless of content. CM: Where's the line between romance and erotica? Erotica and porn? SDP: To me, it’s just a matter of calling a rose by any other name. I mean, I guess there’s a difference between pure romance and erotica/porn in that the romance genre doesn’t have to go to the extremes. But once you go there, you’re there. CM: Ever had a boob job? SDP: I did investigate going the other way, a reduction. I was assured by many male friends that if I did do it, I would immediately get a lot less attention from men in general. I decided to not handicap myself even further, because, as we discussed, I don’t look like the model on the cover of my books. So I gotta keep what does work for me. Editorial Note: The author photo at the top of the page shows that self-depreciating Susan Diplacido is in fact a hottie. CM:Hey, we used to work for the same magazine! What did you learn from editing NFG?

SDP: I learned quite a bit from the other editors, because we’d get a lot of compelling stories, but there were certain things that could really bring pop to it, or a wider appeal, and I learned what to look for in characterizations and developing plot.

Editorial Note: Karen Dione, talented fellow former NFG ed, has just released her first novel Freezing Point. It will enter Critical Mick's To Be Read stack, as soon as he can wrestle it back from his missus.

CM: Kaolin Fire, also a fellow former NFG ed, is now at the helm of a mag called GUD (Greatest Uncommon Denominator). GUD Issue 0 contains the second-best tale about breast implants I've ever read. The best: Miss Susan DiPlacido's "I, Candy." I've loved that short story since 2004.

CM: (No, not because I'm a breast man… because it's so damn well written I didn't even notice it's told in second person until the third re-reading.)

SDP: Thanks, Mick!

CM: When were the stories in American Cool written?

SDP: Over a period of about five years. From 2001-2006.

CM: Did you play softball in college? Two of the stories in American Cool were about ball players. They really came across with authority.

SDP: By saying "with authority" you’re saying that I correctly described where left field is and that this is unusual for a girl? Sexist!

SDP: Nah, seriously, I appreciate that comment, and yes, I did play ball all the way through school including college. I still love baseball/softball, but don’t play anymore.

CM: There's this character named Susan DiPlacido in one of the stories. Give us an example of what in here is autobiography.

SDP: Shit. Well. I drink a lot and gamble, and ahem, carouse, and I’m generally a bit of an asshole. None of it is autobiography, but I do draw upon situations that are familiar to me.

CM: Several distinct themes emerge from story to story. Taking risks, fear of rejection, riding high, running away, the experience of the outsider…. and Bon Jovi-? (A heavily-tattooed workmate berated me recently when I used Bon Jovi as an example of fun, feel-good music from the 80's. The injustice! I once caught him singing The B-52's.)

SDP: Well, in all fairness, I think the B-52s carried a cache of cool that Bon Jovi never did. They were a little alternative, and who wouldn’t sing "Rock Lobster" once in a while.

CM: American Cool's writing is also very sexy. There's none of the mushy nonsense that blokes expect from romance novels.

SDP: Aw, shucks, you make me blush, Mick.

CM: Like Steven King, have you a distinct set of characters and experiences which interlink? A hombre named Miguel Rodriguez makes numerous appearances. A younger brother named Ricky recurs.

SDP: I guess I do set up certain template characters, and so it’s appealing to me to think about what that same personality would do in different situations, in different stages of life, or even if they had a totally different life. Would they still react the same way if their past wasn’t littered with the same mistakes?

CM: There's even an appearance by the two callgirls who later appeared in 24/7.

SDP: I’ve never intentionally been a hooker, so that’s not autobiographical. Seriously.

CM: 24/7! Give us the pitch.

SDP: Dude. Vegas. Sex. Booze. Gambling. It pitches itself, doesn’t it? I just don’t understand who wouldn’t want to read it. I could totally understand them being pissed when they’re done, but the pitch is solid! CM: What research did you complete for your book? (About how to beat the casino, I mean. I'm not prying into your sex life.) SDP: I’ve done some blackjack playing. Unfortunately, I also did a lot of gambling, which is different. (Also? Elevators? Goood.) CM: Ever been tasered by casino security? SDP: I have been escorted out several times. I used to be a real barrel of monkeys when I was younger and had a propensity for getting kicked out of places. CM: I loaned my copy of 24/7 to a friend who wanted to read about its system of card counting. He never returned it! I asked him about that and he said that he had thrown the book into his gym bag and got shaving cream all over it. CM: Other than explosions of "shaving cream," what's the most notable reaction you've had to your writing? SDP: That a guy all the way across the pond bothered to read it and then interview me about it. For real! That’s a big deal. Surreal, actually. And now we’ve a new euphemism to boot. Shaving cream. I’ll try to work that into a story somewhere.

Susan DiPlacido on Film! "What's your opinion on Oceans 11? Lucky You? 21? Showgirls? Con Air? (OK, that last one is stretching the Vegas connection...)" Ocean’s 11 – both versions are kick-ass. Lucky You – I thought it could’ve been a little better because Drew Barrymore can do a lot more than they had her doing in that flick. She was under-utilized. But they definitely nailed that time and place. 21 – kind of irked me, because if there’s one story that didn’t need fictionalised, it was that one, about the MIT blackjack team. And by "hollywoodizing" it, it actually flattened it out. Showgirls – I LOVE this movie. I know it’s a joke and camp but it’s just so wonderfully tacky! Con Air – if it’s Nic Cage, I’m down for it. I do believe he has a record for most movies with at least a tangential Vegas appearance, too. Susan DiPlacido to Mick, after reading his obnoxious interview questions: "I would LOVE to make a video burning you in effigy, because it'd be funny. Unfortunately, I don't know the technology."

CM: Another buddy of mine plays a lot of poker. He says 98% of players online are clueless, just idiots waiting to be stripped of their money. Same goes for 90% of those at tournaments. Your observations, please?

SDP: I would guess he’s exactly right. Everyone thinks they’re so hot at it just because it became popular. I’m lucky enough to know that I suck at poker, so I don’t sit down at the tables for tournaments or for general play. If I’m with people who want to play, I send them off and go drink.

CM: My wife read the opening scene of Mutual Holdings to me as we drove across Florida. Wow! You are a dirty, dirty girl.

SDP: Mutual Holdings is definitely more hardcore "erotica." But one of the things that pisses me off about even contemporary "romance" books is how often the guy has to rescue the girl. I get so annoyed with that. So I tried to put all the lovely locations and interactions into play but then turn them upside down.

CM: Tell us about Trattoria.

SDP: Trattoria is sort of a clusterfuck of sibling rivalry and romance. It does have one of my all-time favorite characters in it, Cy Antonucci. He kind of amuses me.

CM: Do you write about things that make you mad / scared / uncomfortable? Or just answer inappropriately nosy interview questions that do?

SDP: (No worries. When I hit questions that make me squirm I just lie!) I’m really not a topical writer, I’m just trying to entertain. So I don’t tackle serious subjects in that way, and I don’t think I use writing as a cathartic form of therapy, either. So I don’t think I write about things that make me mad/scared/uncomfortable. I just try to write what seems like fun.

CM: What sorts of books do you read, yourself? Treat me as a hostile witness and come to the defence of chick lit / romance / accountancy periodicals.

SDP: I guess I have a bit of a range in what I’ll read. I do like some chick lit, but the label-consumption in a lot of it makes me sick to my stomach. When it comes to female writers, I’m more into Jackie Collins. That’s some good stuff! Generally, I like page-turners like that. I’ll read some literary fiction and sometimes I’m pleasantly surprised. I like the classics, too. Bukowski is one of my faves.

CM: What project are you working on now?

SDP: I can’t do both at the same time, so I either write, or grovel about hoping someone will publish me. Right now I’m grovelling. I’m pushing a comic version of Hamlet that I wrote last year. My nephew, who is extremely cool and encouraging, told me it was a really bad idea to write it. But he’s 18 and he failed English last year, so I said screw his opinion on this one and did it anyhow. It was fun. It’s set in Vegas, about a showgirl.

CM: What's the most recent book you've come across that that's left you dizzy and made you go, "Damn!"

SDP: Christopher Moore’s Fool. He’s just amazing. Funny, quirky.

CM: Ever suffered a leg injury you want to discuss?

SDP: Fucking bees.

CM: Harlan Coben. Discuss.

SDP: Coben is really good at twists, which is something I admire and wish I could do.

CM: Have we read any of the same shtuff? (Critical Mick Full alphabetic index) Was my review way off about them?

SDP: Janet Evanovich, Carl Hiaasen, MaryJanice Davidson, Dan Brown, Declan Burke, Ted L. Nancy, Chuck Palahniuk, Touching the Monkey, and Bram Stoker. I pretty much agree with your reviews, though you’ve got more panache in saying it. You turned me on to Declan Burke, for which I’m really happy. Maybe I’ll return the favor. Since you like Hiaasen, I think you’d really like Tim Dorsey. A writer pal of mine, Don Capone, turned me on to him, and I just love his stuff.

Editorial Note: Read Mick's interviews with Irish crime fiction avatar Declan Burke and UK-based Mike Stone- a wanted man in several courts for Touching the Monkey.

CM: What's on your nightstand? (books, I mean, but other items if you wanna....)

SDP: You know how some people can read several books simultaneously? I’m not one of them. I’m totally monogamous to the book I’m with at the time. Right now it’s Bogie: A Celebration of the Life and Films of Humphrey Bogart. I know, you probably think I’m like, 87 years old at this point.

CM: What's one mistake you hope never to commit in your writing?

SDP: Making it suck out loud.

CM: You're in no danger! Many thanks Susan.

Susan DiPlacido lives the high life in Las Vegas but blogs online at Neon Fiction. Her website at www.susandiplacido.com has extensive links to interesting writers, more information on her books, and a shortcut to an interview by Steve Hansen of Ink Pot Magazine that is far better than this one.

Yo! This interview transcript and all content on the DFA Guide site are copyright 2009 Mick Halpin. All links to other sites and documents are copyright to whatever source wrote something cool enough for Mick to give it a referral. Try to claim them as your own work and bad karma will catch up with you, baby. Believe it.

Irate, huh? Managed to piss off another one? Direct your hatemail to mick @ mickhalpin dot com.

This Page Was Last Updated On 28 February, 2009.