The Bloke's Guide to Pregnancy
Jon Smith
Hay House, 2004http://www.blokesguide.com/
There's a Soccer Ball on the Cover. Be Assured.
I don't use the word "hero" lightly.
"Dude," on the other hand I say all the time. And, dude! Jon Smith has produced not only a baby of his own but the best snapper-related book for us blokes since Dave Barry's influential, inspirational masterpiece, Babies and Other Hazards of Sex.
The sad truth that most blokes will face at one point in their life: when the blessed miracle is upon you, you will be awhirl in overly-technical medical manuals, touchy-feely hormone tomes and glossy infant fashion magazines. What infant cares if they barf all over a designer label, anyway? These woman-written books do not mention the scourging withered upon any ordinary Joe who brings up that last point.
Is there nowhere for dudes like us to turn? Wher can we get the information that we need to play a part in this life-changing event, in easy-to-digest bloke-sized pieces?
To quote just the title of one of The Bloke's Guide to Pregnancy's many informative topics:
Beware the Venom (pg 94)
YES! This author knows his subject. His work deserves a deeper study. So to quote at length just one of The Bloke's Guide to Pregnancy's many informative topics:
Beautiful, Beautiful Breasts
Quite early on in pregnancy, you can expect your partner to receive a visit from the so-called 'breast fairy,' officially known as engorgement.... Thanks to man's new best friend, colostrum, your partner's breasts will defy gravity and often belief. You will bear witness to your partner transcending the alphabet in cup sizes, all within a matter of weeks.... It may be that your partner expresses annoyance at her larger breasts, and feigns resentment at any Pamela Anderson comparisons, but this is probably more to do with the cost of replacement bras than displeasure at having bigger boobs.... Once breastfeeding is replaced with solids, your partner's breasts will return to their pre-pregnancy state. Life is just not fair. (pgs. 65-6)
Jon Smith, you are a genius. The Bloke's Guide to Pregnancy offers introductory advice on topics from X to Y to Z. Even on weird topics that I had never known were in the pregnancy alphabet, like ç and ñ! And it does it with humor and style. Dude! Class.
One more excerpt:
The Third Stage of Labour
Just when you think it's all over, time to get your coat and spread the good news, your partner will be asked to push again.... I am afraid that the midwife (as always) is right. The final part of labor - the expulsion of the placenta, or afterbirth - will mark the end of labour proper..... The placenta is a reddish/purople/green mess. It actually looks like something from Aliens and I was fascinated yet scared when it popped out. You can request to take the placenta home with you, but I would striongly suggest you let the hospital deal with it; or better yet call in Riply, Bishop and the rest of the team, armed with pulse rifles. (pg 176-7)
This is gold. Trust me, amigo. The question is not whether or not you should pick up a copy of The Bloke's Guide to Pregnancy. The question is: when?
Jon Smith, hero, or just a bog-standard bloke doing his best in a hardcover world filled with full-color placenta pics?
I dunno. Let's hit the boozer for a few celebratory jars and jaw it over like we happy dudes do.
Thank you, Jon Smith. And Thank you, wifey who was smart enough to know what type of pregnancy manual a bloke like me would connect with. Go baby go!!
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